
Yes it is 1 am Thanksgiving morning. Instead of sleeping to visions of turkeys dancing through my head, I am tapping away on my keyboard to express my extreme distaste for seating charts or table place cards. For many people, this doesn't seem to be such an issue but for my fabulous family we suffer from a case of table organizing tyranny. Since I was a child, we have been discovering ways to sabotage the seating chart. Re-arranging the table cards to seat yourself next to your favorite cousin worked occasionally but if you were caught you get could a case of capital punishment (dish duty for eternity, knuckle wraps with the end of knife or banishment to the adults table). Even after years of the moaning and complaining the seating cards still appear at every significant meal and my reasons for hating them have further solidified.
Reason #1: Forced conversation... the organizer figures that you somehow need to reconnect over turkey and gravy so they sit you together and try to make you talk.
Reason #2: Worrying about everyone's feelings. This one can really keep you up at night. I mean what happens if Uncle Gary is upset about sitting next to Sue because of what she said about his mustache at last year's Christmas party? Seriously, the stress can be unnerving.
Reason #3: Lefties. Ok, this one might be valid. I a mean who likes to get an elbow as you are biting into your first piece of pumpkin pie. But, I say that we should forget the seating chart and let those with this genetic defect fend for themselves... I mean who cares about equality when you've got stuffing and mashed potatoes on your mind?
Reason #4: The popular table. Oh, you know what I mean. There is always the popular table where all the cool cousins end up sitting. If you don't gain a place for your place mat there, you end up wasting your meal lusting after their table decorations and dinner conversations.
In the end, I'm really just advocating for a basic right, dinner table democracy. Forget the seating charts and let us be free. Along with a good meal, all I want is one thing... give me freedom to choose my chair.